Book Commentary -- NFL Confidential: True Confessions From the Gutter of Football

Note: the ethical discussion will continue, but I got hit by a school bus today and don't frankly have the energy to give to that argument as is needed. (I'm OK, my car probably isn't.) That discussion will continue, and will probably feature the long-awaited comparison of football to the gladiatorial games of ancient Rome.

"Johnny Anonymous," NFL Confidential: True Confessions From the Gutter of Football. New York: Dey St. (Harper-Collins), 2016.

Short review: don't bother. Really.

This falls in a long line of books that promise heaps of scandal and deliver nothing you didn't already know. This seems less a tell-all than a spec script for one of those cheap and cheesy football-based series that turn up on HBO or some similar network on occasion.

The author is (or is claimed to be) an NFL player, active during the 2014-15 season. (I wouldn't be shocked if this turns out to be one big punking, but if so it wasn't a terribly successful one.) Mr. Anonymous purports to hate the NFL. It says so right there on the book jacket: "I'm an NFL player, and I ----ing hate the NFL." (I am leaving a bit more mystery about that expletive than the book jacket does, but I'm guessing you can fill it in.) His stated aim at the outset of the book is to be the Best NFL Backup Ever (c), in essence to make an NFL paycheck without actually doing anything besides riding the bench. So one of his first moves is to demonstrate that he's not nearly as smart as he claims to be, if he seriously thinks all the players ahead of him on the depth chart are going to stay healthy through a whole season in the NFL (he's an offensive lineman, in more ways than one).

It gets worse. Under the guise of being honest, he unveils his own raging homophobia (you might remember Michael Sam was trying to make it in the NFL at the time). His revelations about locker-room attitudes towards everything from women to their own coaches are probably meant to be dramatic and shocking, but you're pretty unlikely to be surprised if you've ever seen a few episodes of Hard Knocks, and probably won't be surprised even if you haven't.

Without too much elaboration: Mr. Anonymous's plans go awry when the team's starting center is injured, and Johnny has to step in. All the supposed pent-up rage dissolves, as Johnny's perhaps long-buried yearning to hit people kicks in and he remembers that he actually likes playing football, and if that means loving the NFL, so be it. His original plan to play the one season and then get out is, presumably, out the window, as he is (as of the book's printing) back with the same team for this about-to-end season.

It's not the scandalous book it claims to be, and its central character isn't nearly as interesting as he thinks he is. Save your money for something better.

Added: somebody thinks he knows who Johnny Anonymous is. Sounds reasonably plausible, but honestly, after reading the book I really don't care.